I stopped lying. Not just about him to her, but about everything.
I failed a little, changed some and did better (sort of), failed a little more.
I stopped.
I cried.
I went through some fucked-up-in-the-head moments and realized how colloquial it was to even think that.
I told myself I was in love with her.
I told her I was in love with her. Of course I got rejected.
I cried some more.
I heard the truth and kept crying.
I told some truths myself. Later, though.
I found the inner depths of my soul in the least likely and yet most obvious place. It was nice but it didn't break my slump.
It did, however, almost break a friendship.
Then it repaired what was broken.
I wrote a song and realized that even then, as I was crying, that I had spent more time crying in that one week than I had in my entire life.
I made some resolutions. I don't think I followed up on any of them.
I was doing better but then I started to slip.
We made up. I haven't seen her yet.
I saw him and he ignored me. Maybe he's over me.
I realized some things that I should have realized a long long time ago.
I also know that even when I'm hurting, I can sit through the pain and things will all be better in the end.
All my love.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
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