And not pretend I'm off again in my world.

OKAY!! So, from this moment on, I will officially be (probably) posting less frequently. Sure, I'll still do it, but I've also started a Miniscus blog and I need to work on that. I've hired a team of officials, all of whom I fully expect to do their jobs, and together we're going to start working on this project.

Sorry if anyone's disappointed... it's just that after clearing up a bunch of shit in my life, it's obvious that I need to begin doing what I want to do before it's too late. There's been all this controversy between me and some of my friends lately, plus I haven't been getting the best grades so my family is pissed as hell. Besides that, there was the whole Caitlin incident, you know?

But I'm doing really, really well for myself now. I had a hard time rejecting two guys who liked me - Splash and Josh - and I thought stuff was gonna be really, really awkward with both of them. Then we sat down and talked for a while about stupid shit in life and I think it's gonna be okay. There was this whole big fight between me and my three best friends, and then there was the huge make-it-up-outside-in-the-rain-dance and I love them love them looooooove them. My dad started tutoring me in French and as for Bio, I guess I just have to do more work and shit. I (obviously) suck at love, but my GLSBA friends have got my back - and oh yeah, speaking of which, I'm joining the animé cult on Mondays. I have art history and I kick ass, and about Johnathan? This is the ground I'm still shaky on.

His life is bullshit without me. I guess there's no denying that. There's also no fixing it, either. I was so fucking worried for a while that he would, like, try and convert me back to being straight. But I really wouldn't want to be with him even if I still liked guys.

So we're starting over, me and him.

Like I said in my last post, I'm writing a new yaoi. -squees- I have a huge new posse of otaku friends, and we're probably gonna all get together sometime soon.

But beyond it all and on forever, there is and will always be Miniscus. It's what I want and what I've got and what I love, and so now I've gotta shrug away all the other shit, fix all my issues and all that fuck, and honor my commitment like I've always said I would.

Later, dudes.

This will surely fade.

Well, I started writing a yaoi. There's something off about it though, that probably being its overall, um, lack of plot. Yeah. Rare writer's block.

-sobs- I need HAAALP.

I hate it when shit like this happens. I come up with some totally fantabulous idea, something that I'm fucking so fucking exCIted about, and then it just slips through my fingertips like sand. I'm dual-minded, then. A rage contained. And personally I blame the economy.

Like, I need my $$ bad. Without cash, I can't get supplies. Without supplies, my talent is suppressed, and when my talent is suppressed then inspiration is cut off from my body and that nice little flowing river of ideas suddenly hits a fucking DAM.

Damn.

So don't need that.

To be honest, I like the story. I'm a good-as-shit writer, with Lio, Liz and Mbob being the absolutefuckingawesomeesteditorsfuckingEVER, but I have no way to develop it. I want to get this shit published, you know?

It's just that, come on, there's no really way anyone else can get into Sei and Rioyuki's various excursions and escapades if I can't even write the fucking shit. Ah well - there's always media.

Qwerty <3

Just another day that I had the best.

I may have just had one of the best days of my life.

Me and the 4Some went and hung out at the park all day. It was wet and fun and disgusting and we got a million fucking videos for Facebook. I drank me some Monster, Ju Dra got stuck in a tree, and Mbob may in fact have sexually molested a gerbil. Ink was taking pictures the whole time, of course. It was so much fun... I'd totally forgotten how much I love getting my best friends together and doing random shit.

Also, I GOT MY SKETCHBOOK!! and I've been drawing so fucking much. I have Seis, Marano+Train, The Master, and this asshat fucking awesome picture of Tari choking Ëda Mimi to death. (Yes, the Mrain was a Cult Club request.) I love Miniscus. It's the shit. It really is.

And how about that election, huh? There's no way Obama's not gonna win. See? There, just for the record, I SO called that. Haha. All I have to say on that.

Basically, my life is amazingly fun right now. I don't know why. It just is, you know? I mean, it's FUCKING MARVEXIA DAY. 411 forever. And even though I wanted to have our big Cult gathering on AkuRoku day, this is almost as good, you know?

I'm just doing so good. I'm happy as shit, and I've figured out that I don't need to have reached perfection to love it all.

Gonna go watch Hitcher, bitches, and eat me some pocky. Tra tra!!

Qwerty <3

Ups and downs, my heart's a battleground.

So it's getting better, I think. Caitlin's still hot and still a bitch, and for some reason I'm pretty fucking sure she likes me because she's, like, obsessed with hating me. Uh, no. Not. Sorry. But there'll be other girls. I've still got Dez to make me feel better and I can wait around for a real girlfriend. I'm a lesbian; who said shit was gonna be easy for me? It's not. But I'm gonna live, yeah?

I've been depressed lately. Like, a lot. Josh and Sammy and thems are always wanting to hang out with me; there's a TAI concert coming up soon-ish at the Electric Factory, and I so would want to take Josh, except I haven't gotten out of the house much and I don't want to. I'm just not good with facing the world when I'm like this. I'm so tired and bored with life. LOL, or else I'm a fat lazy bastard who won't get off her ass and do shit. Probably the latter. I don't want to do anything though. I can't believe I'm turning down two of my best friends to just sit in my room and cry.

Josh told me he liked me, which made me really upset because he needs to stay gay. Srsly. Also I found out Julien likes me. See, this is precisely why I need the world to know I'm gay, because I've been asked out twice and I think Pizza Guy is stalking me. NO. REALLY.

But, yeah, in terms of the whole depression thingy I'm getting better. Dad spent his life's worth getting me a light table, LOL. I love my daddy. Hart. And I want CorelPainter, but until then I just need a new sketchbook. I'm so fucking tired of postponing Miniscus. So I'm happy right now. Especially because I'm gonna get a bearded dragon and I loooooove them bearded dragonz. Also... House. Yey, I love that show. Especially when the patients, like, get eaten alive by worms and shit. I hate that fucking SLUT DOCTOR though. -eats alive- Nom nom.

Happy and Monsterhigh. Qwerty, bitches! <3

I would feel free to say that I was gay.

Okayokayokay... SO much to tell. Firstly, Caitlin's a bitch. Apparently she was 'scared' I was gonna fucking murder her boyfriend / was gonna rob and/or rape her / all this other shit, so she told her parents. What a little whore. Now I'm in trouble with the admin and all this other shit, plus people are starting to talk. AND I just got back from Truancy Court... soooo not fun, you know?

But this whole thing made me realize just how fucking homophobic the world is. I mean, I've never had a personal encounter with homophobia before. Shit like this always happened to other people and not me. But my theory is that her friends were pressuring her to 'talk to someone about it' so she could 'stand up for being straight.' FUCK. THAT. SHIT. Now all the school people are after my ass, Caitlin's mom is ready to fucking kill me, and on top of it all they had to go tell my parents.

By the way, they were so cool about it. My mom was fucking pissed off at the Dean or whoever the hell was dealing with it because this obviously wouldn't have happened if I was a guy. It's only because I'm a lesbian and that disorients the rest of the world, plus there's the way I dress so that's two strikes against me. And my dad was fucking flaming.

They absolutely took my side, and I am so fucking relieved. I don't think my dad even knew I was a lesbian but he dealt with it so awesome.

Yey.

I love my parents right now, way too much. But I fucking hate the rest of the world. It's like, this all started because of me being lesbo. If I was, by some miracle, male, no one would have fucking cared. Even those therapists and shit were fucking prejudiced; they were all, "She's straight, so back off."

Fuck it. The world doesn't like me because I'm a lesbian. Fuck that, and fuck Caitlin, and fuck everything because I am who I am, and if you don't like it then leave me the fuck alone.

No qwerty today. :(

Sunday morning rain is falling.

Okay... it's raining outside. Funny, somehow I never noticed just how much the weather reflected my moods, you know? Because right now I feel calm. Tranquil. Melancholy. Slightly repressed in and beside what and who I want to be, but static all the same. And it's not depression, just ennui. Repetition.

Hell, I'm Aeleus, because sunny days are good days always.

For once I don't want to go to guitar this afternoon. I'm tired and sick as fuck, I have House to watch and homework to do and on top of it all I have goddamn fucking TRUANCY COURT tomorrow. Shit. I just want to write Miniscus sometimes, okay? I've been searching all night for a domain name host and I don't have enough fucking money for any of them, bitches. Plus I'm tired as piss after the Mirah concert I just went to, even though I've realized "Don't Die in Me" is one of the greatest songs ever.

Shiiiiiiiiiit. I miss CDW, where me and Ju Dra and Em and Ink could just talk about Miniscus and YYE and whatever else the hell we wanted.

But it's raining, and I'm not gonna have enough money to go see AAR this month, I haven't even started working on my H'ween costume, and it's time to fucking face reality: -sigh- I'm never gonna get Caitlin, am I?