Monday, August 25, 2008

Tired of being what you want me to be.


Well, I'm finished. I'm done with my flimsy façade of a so-called life that everyone around me knew for so long. Because the truth is, they didn't know the half of it. They never realized the person who truly lay beneath my superficial flesh, the happy and crazy and FREE human being who loves her family, loves her MacBook, loves her guitar, and is an artist at heart. All they saw was chain pants, plaid minis, black sweatshirts and drippy black eyeliner, broken hearts doodled on math papers, a so-called "emo girl" who didn't care about anything but the wrist cuts she was stocking up on and how many piercings the guy wearing black had.

Those people, my apparent friends, my peers, many more around me, didn't know me. I'm NO cutter. I'm no genuine emo. I'm my mom's crazy Goth-girl of a daughter who can't keep her hands off her sketchbook for five minutes but who'll always begrudgingly put aside her free time for some "family time". I'm my d-a-d's horror-flick-worshipping daughter who can still pull away from the screen to practice the acoustic Gibson that HE bought me and told me to play. I'm India's loving big sister who writes her sappy fam-love poems about the moon and the tide and tells her how babies are made, how to get a guy's attention, how much she reminds me of her mom when her hair is pulled back like that. I'm Julia's disgustingly carefree "twin" who's been by her side for nine whole years and STILL can't stand the sound of Axl Rose's damn voice, but named my computer after him to make up for it. I'm Emmy's doting bffl who comes over unwelcomed and feeds her - and my - shounen-ai/yaoi/general manga/animé addiction with laughs and huggleses. I'm Donna's therapist of a best friend who tells her when to stop crying and which boyfriend is the best, and what to do about her irritating life.

I'm Johnathan's über-disloyal ex-girlfriend who flirted with every two-legged creature in sight behind his back and then accused HIM of cheating on ME.

I'm the girl with blue hair, black clothes, skull ear-piercings, a laptop bag always on her shoulder and a story always in her head, the girl who lists her Miniscus characters in her sleep, whose Hot Topic wishlist covers more than what her parents make in a year (most likely), who's been in the National Spelling Bee out of mere chance, who spends her spare laptop time reading cheesy AkuRoku fanfics and watching things like Gravitation and Avatar on YouTube rather than that Katy Perry video everyone's so crazy about. I'm the musical fanatic who fucking hates Lupe Fiasco, Chris Brown, T-Pain and Akon but is a sucker for Skillet, Red, Breaking Benjamin, The Used, Goo Goo Dolls, etc. on the angst... and oddly enough, the occasional Jason Mraz, Maroon 5 and Alanis Morissette. Maybe even some Avril if you know me well enough. I'm the biggest gay rights supporter I know, the girl who physically damages the homophobic when they slip up and make some teensy anti-gay remark, the bisexual-and-proud-of-it girl who came out of the closet the day she went in, the cut-shirts-and-combat-boots chick who fangirls and squees over anything of the rainbow nature, and I don't mean colors. I'm the girl who secretly pines for Rent and Avenue Q, who pretty much reads porn rather than watching it (thank you, FanFiction.Net), who may be currently single and therefore sexually deprived (considering my age, graciás y muchá) but still has a mind further in the gutter than any high school BOY... I’m caring. I’m loving. I’m sensitive. I’m huggable. I’m lovable. I’m talkative. I’m sweet. I’m one-of-a-kind. I’m a rebel. I’m fun. I’m loud. I’m weird. I’m random. I’m careless. I’m stubborn. I’m hard-headed. I’m unforgettable. I'm optimistic. I'm everything that your girl isn't. I'm everything you're not.

Nice to meet you.

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