And no one knows except the both of us.

So about this new blog... any real inspiration for it, you might ask? What pushed you over the edge to abandon your nice, successful[ish] previous blog you had going on back there, "No Need to Say Goodbye?" Hmmm?

Well, it pretty much started with my breakup with Johnathan last night. I'd lately realized that the last blog I had made was pretty much devised for his viewing alone - evident to the sharply trained eye by its flimsy, dramatic, romance-induced attitude. Perhaps there was some Donna involved in my blogging portrayal, but it's also true that we could easily be drama queens together. Really, though, I made it apparent that my love life was the centric of my being.

HA!! Maybe Axel and Roxas' love life. Maybe Yuki and Shuichi's. Not mine. Probably never mine.

I really didn't ever fully connect with Johnathan. As I've stated previously, he barely knew who I was. My backstory was a fabrication woven accidentally, my so-called future an assurance of my feelings for him. He hardly heard a word about Here Without Fear or Miniscus. Never knew my disturbing, fetish obsession with yaoi - or any type of media, for that matter. Never quite fully grasped the concept that despite the fact that there have been several existing past pitiful attempts at relationships, I've never been on an official date before and couldn't care less where we were going. Johnathan was a sweet guy, but he knew nothing of the rabid fangirl, starving artist, up-and-coming passionate musician, ever-undevoted girlfriend that I really was. (See most recent post for expansion on this topic.)

And for some reason, I didn't want him to know.

Which brings me to this. When I broke up with him, I realized just how much for the better it actually was, rather than those same words in more of a vacant reassuring to lift his crushed spirit for one last time. I was free. I was freer than I've ever been, not have untruths and de-truths and, let's face it, lies, weighing me down like a sinking stone in my battered brain. I could do, say what I wanted without having to worry about his opinion anymore. I want everyone I meet, new and old and unwilling, WHATEVER, to know the truth about me, that which has been bottled up inside for far too long.

So basically, by creating "Outside Looking In," I'm letting go of my unfulfilling, far-too-abnormal past, and showing the world the crazy, stupid, unique yet wonderfully, fabulously normal human being I can be. And I'm letting go of Johnathan. All he cared about was what I told him, not who I really was. That's gotta change for me.

To cut it short, clean and simple... I want a guy who likes me for me.