My head gets so confused.

Wow... I was looking back at my old blog posts a few minutes ago, and honestly I just had to laugh. I said stuff like, "How will I ever find a boyfriend?" and, "I want a guy that likes me for me."

Bull. Fucking. Shit.

I was so... I don't know. Straight. Ugh. I mean, I might be madly in luv with Chase, Axel, Yuki, et al, but that's affection for an attractive character. I will never date a guy again because - like it or not, Johnathan - I am a lesbian.

It's not that I don't find guys sexy. I do, just... not real ones. Or at least, not ones that I'll ever see walking down the street. (LMAO, just remembered Jesse Spencer.) I couldn't go out with a guy if I wanted to.

Why? It's, uh, kind of hard to explain. I guess the two main reasons are (1) I don't like dick the way J-Star does, and (2) sexist as it may sound, I can't stand being the girl of a relationship. That's just not what I do. I like to be the "guy," be the one who stands there with her arm around her girlfriend and pays for their dates and... uh... tops.

Not trying to get labeled as a dyke, people. I hate that word. I mean, I wear lace skirts and corsets, and I hate sports, and to be honest rap can go fuck itself for all I care. I draw, I write, I fangirl, I swear-to-fucking-god I sing. Plus I'm fucking HOT. I am so far from manly, it's not even funny.

But - DESPITE MY STUPID SEMEUKE.COM QUIZ RESULTS - I would rather start, lead, protect a relationship than listen, follow, take advantage of it. It's really difficult to put into words. But I know the feeling.

And it sucks, because I think Splash kind of likes me. I mean, we just started talking the other day, and I never told him I was a lesbian, and he shows more interest in me than he has any other new girl at Central. So yeah, I feel bad.

But it's not my fault. I am who I am. And when I kiss a girl... I like it.