All my life I've waited, this is true.

I've been afraid to face her. It doesn't feel right - not morally, but emotionally. I know that no matter what I do, I'll never be the only one. And I know I should call it a draw, get over her, and move on.

But I can't do that. I'm orbited and I can't pull away. She's more than just incredible, she's a world of her own. I'm stuck, fallen. Infatuated, hypnotized, obsessed. I guess it's not in my nature to feel minutely or neutrally about anything; I've always been the addictive type. Now it's coming back to haunt me.

It's not fair. I finally fine someone who I stick to like residue, and I find out (though I've always known) that I'm not nearly as important to her as she is to me. It'll always be this way, I guess. Forever. No matter who it is, I love more every time. It's impossible to defeat, but I can't let it keep happening or I'll never truly be happy.

I don't want to put pressure on her, change anything to make it better between us, and so I'm trying to sever what does exist. I really am. She and her girlfriend are seriously happy together and I just stumbled in and messed it all up.

And I want to get out, now. The problem is it's not that easy, because she's amazing.

I don't know what's wrong with me, why I'm this obsessed. I love her, but I hate myself. I can't get over her, but I have to. And yet I don't want to.

So it's the luck of the draw now. Fate. Whatever happens will happen, and I won't be there to change it because I can't.

I threw myself into this. But the sides are smooth and the sky is far away, and it'll be a long time until I see the light of day.