Because it's now or never.

Well, today was weird. Kaitlin came back to school, even smiled at me a couple times, looking cute as always in her skinny jeans and pink converses, and I didn't even blink. It's insane how unmoved I am by her all of a sudden. I fell right out of love with that girl.

I swear, though, it's as if just when I stop liking her, I start having a chance with her. [That idiot] Justin - I love you anyway, Jus - told her that I thought she was hot, and she laughed and said, "I know," and gave me this huge, cute grin. A few days ago my heart would have been racing a million miles an hour. Today it sat calmly in my chest while I smiled back evenly.

What the fuck happened to "Kaitlin = love LIEK oh-em-gee" from last week? Why am I so suddenly changed? Today was my chance, my absolute number one chance, and yet I completely let it slide through my fingertips. And the strangest part was, I didn't even mind. I was totally cool with letting her walk away, no vow, no wink, no final word. She left and I left and it was the end of it.

I see myself as a moon, a fickle and unpredictable deity that watches, loves, learns, and lets go. I'm constantly shifting and changing like clouds. But most of all I'm like rain, because no matter how much I'm brushed away, I'm stubborn as shit when I want something... and then I leave, just like that. Damn, am I special.

Just kidding. Still, though, it'd be nice if I could control some of the shit I feel. But I can't. Hearts grow without permission, those sneaky little bastards.

Qwerty <3