Break me down, and bury me, bury me.

So I found out that the girl I love is going to have to make a decision involving me and her girlfriend. That's right. She's gonna have to choose between us. I'm not sure what initiated this, but I do know that I'm as nervous as hell, because if she gives up on me I'm gonna be a fucking train wreck for the rest of my life.

I freak out when I'm nervous, which is all the more upset. I tremble, I cry, and silent tears roll down my face as I rub my hands raw in an attempt to get warm, because all the blood has left my body and gone to my head. I can't think. Speak. Breathe.

I hate myself at these points of time. I want to destroy the inner core of my being, get on my hands and knees and beg someone to shoot me through the head. Ask them and plead them to end my existence, because anticipation is too great an emotion and I'll die anyway if I have to go through it for any longer.

But enough emo shit. I've got to find a distraction, and this is basically it. I'm not totally sure what'll happen to me if this girl chooses to stay with her current girlfriend. I'll freak, obviously. It won't be nerve-wracking anymore.

It won't, because I'll be dead inside.

This girl means the world to me, and if I really have to let her go so soon after finding her, after learning the purpose of my life (other than Miniscus), then... bad... things... will happen. Uh.

Yeah.

I'm not so good at letting people go. I'm even worse at getting them out of my head. But I've always managed to do it in the end. But she... she's different. Different from all the rest of them. Why? Because I love her. And I trust her. And she's barely met me but already she knows me, the real me, for who I am.

I love that. And I love her. So what's my purpose if I've gotta give her up?

Qwerty <3